Four Dreams
by Desperate Derelict
Summary: Fans think that the 1st time Castle and Beckett 'hooked up' was after "Always". However, there was one time before that, but they'll never admit to it. Even to each other. NOTE: After 'Pandora' but before '47 Seconds'. Now rated a (Hopefully tasteful) 'M'.
1. A Hope and a Prayer

**A/N: Season 4. This takes place after 'Pandora' and before '47 Seconds'. It's somewhat AU, because all the nonsense from '47 Seconds' through 'HeadHunter' would have been avoided.**

_Disclaimer: I only own Castle & characters in my dreams._

As Kate prepared for bed in the hotel suite, she reflected on the spectacular night she'd just completed. The Johanna Beckett Scholarship Fundraiser had been everything she'd dreamt, and more. Despite her misgivings and her obvious distaste for being the center of attention, the event had been a resounding success, and had gone off without a hitch. Castle's huge network of friends and business associates had guaranteed a large turnout of New York luminaries. Surprisingly, her Mom's lasting professional reputation and the involvement of the Columbia Law School had added to the demand, as most of the city's largest and most prestigious law firms had purchased tables and contributed items to the silent auctions. The venue downstairs in the Waldorf's grand ballroom had been breathtaking, the hors d'oeuvres heavenly, the drinks potent, the dinner magnificent, and the dessert decadent. Short but moving speeches from Castle, the Mayor, the dean of the Law School, and her father had run the gamut from hysterical to heart-rending. The band, which had played until well after one in the morning, had been sublime.

Castle had been her rock throughout the evening. His planning for the event had allowed her to avoid most of the press, and he had been by her side the entire time she had wandered through the ballroom, meeting and greeting countless stars, politicians, and lawyers. During those times she was safely ensconced at her table, surrounded by her Dad, Castle's family, and her friends from the 12th, Castle had tirelessly circled the room, drumming up donations and entertaining everyone. He had sheltered her from prying eyes during the emotional slide show depicting her Mom's legacy, until she could dry her eyes and pull herself together. The highlight of her evening had been the two dances she'd managed to squeeze in with him, each one slow and excruciatingly sensual. The evening concluded with the announcement of the winning bidders, and the slow but happy dispersal of the participants.

Castle's offer for staying the night in the hotel couldn't be argued. It was almost three in the morning, and the paparazzi were still circling out front like sharks. The emotions of the night, combined with the amazing food and a fair amount of alcohol, had left her exhausted and feeling very vulnerable. Freed of her make-up and jewelry, she threw on the ratty t-shirt she slept in and slipped between the luxurious sheets. Her thoughts once again turned towards the man sleeping in the room across the suite. Her partner at work, and more and more her partner in life. He was everything the tabloids said he was not – caring, fiercely protective, a wonderful father, and her best friend. She cursed her pathetic emotional state, which kept her from fully committing to this fantastic man. She offered up another prayer to the deaf gods, to continue to give Castle the patience of Job until she could fix herself and become the woman he deserved. With this last thought, she closed her eyes and let sleep claim her.


	2. Night Terrors

_**A/N: Thank you all for your support!**_

_Disclaimer: Still a dream_

Beckett found herself out on the streets of New York. It was late in the day, the slanting sun glancing off the bare trees lining the sidewalk. She turned into an alley. Not just an alley, but THE alley. Dick Coonan was there, right behind her Mom over near the trashcans. The knife in his hand was menacing, held high. Beckett tried to shout, to warn her Mom, to get her to RUN, but the words wouldn't come. Coonan stabbed her, then stabbed her again. Her Mom collapsed on the garbage cans, as the crimson knife continued to rise and fall. Again, and again, and again. Blood was everywhere. He wouldn't stop! As Beckett finally neared, Coonan spun and drew a pistol with his right hand. He reached off to his left out of Beckett's line of sight, and somehow pulled in Castle by the back of his collar. Castle was wearing the tux he'd had on earlier tonight, and looked at her with those impossibly blue eyes exactly as he'd looked at her after their last dance. His eyes shouted 'I love you', with a hint of mischief in them. Coonan cocked the gun, grinned, and then the gun exploded. BANG!

Beckett jerked upright in the bed, crying uncontrollably. Tears were running unchecked down her cheeks. Her breaths were all gasps and pants. It took a full minute for her to become aware of her surroundings. She finally noticed her hotel bedroom's door open, the living room's muted light spilling onto the foot of her bed. It dawned on her that she wasn't alone, as she felt an arm draped around her, gently rubbing her back and shoulders. She turned and looked into Castle's worried eyes.

"Castle!" She twisted her body, and threw her arms around him, burying her face into his broad chest. The tears flowed freely again, this time out of relief.

He wrapped his arms gently around her. "Bad one?" he asked softly, his breath stirring her hair. At her nod, he asked "Which one?"

"Mom. Coonan. The alley." After a pause, she pushed off his chest and looked up into his face through her tears. "You."

"Was I a good guy or a bad guy?" Typical Castle. His motto could be 'Lighten the mood, no matter what'.

"Victim." Beckett responded flatly.

Castle winced. He continued to hold her, rubbing gentle circles on her back, until the tears stopped and her breathing regulated. "Better?" he asked. When she nodded again, he whispered "Be right back." He got off the bed and retreated to her bathroom. He flicked on the bathroom light. Even in her compromised emotional state, she couldn't help but admire his form through his t-shirt and pajama bottoms. She heard running water. He doused the light and returned with a glass of water and a cool, damp wash cloth. He sat back down on the side of the bed and handed her the glass, then reached for a box of tissues on the night stand as she took a cool drink.

She exchanged the glass for the wash cloth, and wiped her tear ravaged face. "Thanks." She finished with the wash cloth, threw it on the night stand, and grabbed a couple of tissues out of the box and blew her nose. She then looked sideways through her hair at Castle. "Attractive, huh?"

"Always." Castle grinned as he reached over and put the tissues and the water glass on the now crowded night stand. "Are you going to be okay?"

She reached out and wrapped her fingers around his hand. "Stay?" she asked, her voice nervous, her eyes pleading.

This was by no means unprecedented. Several times in the past they'd slept in the same bed, providing each other with needed comfort through their companionship. Night terrors had plagued both at different times, most notably after her apartment was fire-bombed, after 3XK, and just recently after the sniper case and the bank bombing. Plus, they had recently begun the habit of dozing off together during movies on Castle's sinfully comfortable couch.

"Sleep with my gorgeous, extraordinary partner? If you insist."

She flashed a strained grin. "Try to remember I have been known to sleep with a gun." Her time worn warning.

"Consider myself reminded." He stood up, and looked towards the open door. "The light?"

She shook her head. "Leave it on." Her nightmare was still fresh in her mind, vivid and grisly. She grabbed the sheet and blanket next to her and turned it down. "Hop in."

"Hopping." He slid in, and they both lay on their left side, Castle spooned in behind her. His right arm circled her waist, both her hands clutching his hand to her midriff.

"Until tomorrow, Kate. Better dreams."

"Good night, Castle."


	3. A Better Dream

_Disclaimer: Still a dream, but now rated T+_

Kate Beckett felt Castle's strong arms circling her as they twirled together around the dance floor. He looked fantastic in his superbly tailored Armani tuxedo, his golden bow tie perfectly matching Beckett's sexy new dress. Their dancing was flawless, both floating inches off the floor, effortlessly moving in unison. Castle was wearing his thousand watt smile, his eyes twinkling like crazy. The dance concluded with a smattering of applause, and Castle was escorting Beckett arm-in-arm towards a broad staircase.

Many of her friends and acquaintances lined their path to the stairs. Dr Burke stepped out of the crowd; his ever present notebook clutched in his left hand, and shook her hand. He then made a big deal of scribbling a note and making an exaggerated check mark, before stepping back into place. Lanie, wearing the beautiful lime green dress from last night, came forward and gave her a huge hug. She leaned in and whispered in Kate's ear, "We're so proud of you!" Tears glistened in both women's eyes. Kate smiled and moved on. Near the foot of the steps, Ryan and Esposito stood with beaming smiles. Esposito gave her a wink.

She ascended the steps with Castle, their arms once more linked. The ornate balustrades on either side narrowed as the stairs rose, culminating in a small landing before a polished wooden door. Beckett looked back down one last time on the glittering Waldorf ballroom as Castle swung the door open. They stepped through together and found themselves in Castle's office at the loft.

Castle spun her around, and backed her against his desk. Their lips crashed together, each instantly opening their mouths and sharing their tongues. Their hands were all over each other. Without breaking their kiss, Beckett flung Castle's jacket off his shoulders. She slid his bow tie off from around his collar, then ripped his shirt off of his body. She began to run her hands all over his well defined chest, shoulders, and biceps.

Castle broke off the kiss and stepped back. He undid his belt and zipper, slid his pants off, and stepped out of them. He stood in front of his bedroom door in all his naked glory, her very own Adonis. Kate walked up to him with a shy smile, grabbing his hand and pulling him into his bedroom. She stopped at the side of his oversized bed, turning her back towards him. He unzipped her dress with agonizing slowness, every zipper tooth winding her up, adding to her excitement. She stepped out of her heels and dress, and found herself wearing a sheer white teddy and matching panties.

Beckett lay down on the soft sheets, still facing away from Castle. Castle lay behind her, his beautiful nude body snuggled tightly against her. Castle was alternating between murmuring sex-charged comments in her ear, and ravishing her neck with his very talented lips and tongue. His excitement was obvious, his arousal securely fitted between her cheeks. Kate groaned, her lust taking on a physical presence, growing uncontrollably within her. She reached down under her panties, and felt the incredible wetness within her.

She moaned some more. "Touch me, Castle. Please touch me." Her fingers slid up and over his broad hand on her stomach, and dragged his hand down to her heat. Initially his hand lay quiescent atop her panties, but she stretched out her panties with one hand while repositioning their hands directly over her center with the other. She pushed down with her middle finger, inserting both his finger and hers into her core. The heel of his hand was flawlessly positioned on her bundle of nerves, the added weight of her hand adding to the delicious pressure. She bent forward at the waist, and started rocking against their fingers. His manhood, large and still positioned perfectly behind her, added to the sensations bombarding her. She threw her right leg up and behind Castle's knees, giving their fingers better access.

She felt a hand slip under her teddy, massaging and tweaking one of her nipples. Beckett found herself moaning constantly, completely incapable of forming words. Every time she moved against their thrusting fingers, an even larger wave of pleasure would emerge from her center to crash through her body. The hand under her teddy shifted to her other nipple, tweaking and twisting. She called out his name as she bent her finger within her, causing Castle's finger to match her angle, positioned directly over her g-spot. Every thrust of hers onto their fingers now sent electricity racing up her spine, spreading through her limbs. Suddenly, a tsunami of bliss coursed through her body as all of her muscles contracted. She cried out his name again as her back bowed, her shoulders crashing back into Castle's chest. Every nerve ending in her entire body was singing, her skin sensitive to the slightest stimuli. She removed her finger from her pulsing center, dragging Castle's hand up to her stomach; feeling sparks at his every touch. Her gasping breaths were interspersed with a low throated hum of pure, unadulterated pleasure.

She could feel as much as hear Castle chuckling behind her, his chest once more against her back. He cleared his voice, and rumbled, "Wow, Beckett! When I suggested better dreams, I had no idea!"

With a gasp, Beckett's eyes flew wide open. "Oh ... My ... GOD! _CASTLE!"_


	4. Sharing A Dream (1)

**A/N: Due to a system glitch, Chapter 3 did not post correctly for about 48 hours. Please make sure you've read Chapter 3 prior to this chapter.**

_Disclaimer: Currently between dreams, still rated T+!_

With a gasp, Beckett's eyes flew wide open. "Oh ... My ... GOD! _CASTLE!"_

She froze, totally immobile. She could see the city lights reflected outside her hotel room's window. She could feel her wet hand resting on Castle's equally wet hand on her stomach. Her other hand was beneath her raised t-shirt, cupping her breast. Her underwear was soaking in the front, and pressed against Castle's erection behind her.

Beckett was beyond embarrassed; she was mortified. Everything she'd been working towards, all that they had become as partners, could be unraveled by this. She hadn't had a sex-charged dream since she was a teen, and silently cursed her bad luck and characteristic bad timing. She had no idea how long Rick had been awake, how much of a willing participant he'd been to her self-gratification. She growled, "Castle, what did you do?"

"What did _**I**_ do?" His voice sounded half warm and sleepy, half outraged. "Well, let me see. I came in here to lend support to my partner after a horrific nightmare. I laid down beside her per her request. I fell asleep. I then awoke when I heard my name, and found my, er, front being used as a scratching post, while my right hand was being used as a sex toy. Long before I had a chance to say or do anything, I found myself watching my best friend call my name while she was in the throes of what appeared to be an, um, extremely pleasing moment. Since then, I have been doing nothing but replaying that vision in my head on an endless loop." He paused, then asked her innocently, "Why, what have you been doing?"

She was in no mood for humor. "God, Castle, I'm so sorry."

"No, Kate, I get it. You were dreaming. No one has control over their subconscious, no matter what Sigmund says. I will add, it's heartening to know that I'm not the only one who dreams about their partner."

Well, maybe a little humor wouldn't hurt. "I'm sure Ryan and Esposito do it all the time."

"Oh, Beckett, that's terrible! I may need therapy to remove that visual from my head."

"Castle, what you need to do is remove this morning's … activities … from your head. Completely. I know, at least I hope, we are heading towards 'something', but this can't be used as a shortcut. You are way too important to me as a partner and friend to screw this up."

"I understand, and I think I might agree."

"I mean it, Castle. No mention of this to anybody or each other. No innuendo. No inside jokes. No pauses or smirks or eyebrow lifts. This morning never happened."

Castle was quiet for a moment, reassuring her that he was giving it earnest thought. He sighed. "Detective, sometimes you take all the fun out of things. But, for the sake of our partnership and your peace of mind, not to mention our lack of future should you shoot me dead, there will be no echo of this morning's glorious activities going forward. From the time we left the ballroom until breakfast tomorrow, we'll consider this to be our very own private 'free fly zone'."

"Thanks, Castle" she sighed in relief. She knew she could trust him with this. She already trusted him with her back, her life, and her pathetic excuse of a heart. So now she would trust him with her honor. Their future. She finally moved from her frozen position, taking her left hand from under her t-shirt and plumping her pillow. She settled back down and wiggled herself into a more comfortable position.

Even without Castle's groan, she couldn't help but notice Castle's huge erection, still nestled firmly between her cheeks. Poor guy. That had to be, at the very least, both uncomfortable and maddening. She imagined what she could do to alleviate his discomfort. Apparently, instead of a release from her sexual tension, this morning's dream had just whetted Kate's appetite. She imagined alleviating his 'problem' some more. She felt her wetness pooling within her, her stomach coiling with desire. The more she imagined, the hornier she got. The hornier she got, the more she imagined. She started to think about the novel rules they'd created for this morning, their own 'personal free fly zone'. Knowing neither were likely to fall back to sleep anytime soon, she decided, for once in her life, to throw caution to the wind. She exclaimed, "Oh, what the hell!" as she threw off their covers and rolled out of bed.

Castle leaned up on an elbow, his hair adorably ruffled. "Kate?" he asked.

"With you in a minute, Castle." Her back to Castle, she straightened her thigh length t-shirt, then shimmied out of her sodden panties, tossing them in the corner near her overnight bag. She walked around to Castle's side of the bed, and sat near his thighs.

Castle turned on to his back, raised himself on both elbows, and looked at his partner. "Kate? What is this?"

"Well, I found it impossible to ignore the elephant in the room, so to speak." She looked pointedly straight down at his erection beneath his pajamas.

Castle smirked. "Elephant?"

With the covers off, it was easy to see that she wasn't the only one to have had an orgasmic dream this morning. The still wet stain above his crotch went all the way up to his waistband. "It looks like I wasn't the only one to get excited. It appears 'Little Ricky' got a little stimulated this morning."

"Really, Kate? From elephant to 'Little Ricky' in the space of five seconds? That's a little harsh, even from you." Castle was pretending to pout, but his eyes were clearly laughing.

Beckett snorted. "Man up, Castle." She reached over to the night stand and grabbed the still damp washcloth she'd tossed there a couple of hours ago, handing it to her partner. "Here, clean up. I'll be right back, and then I need to talk to you."

Beckett went into the bathroom and turned on the unforgiving light. She washed her hands, then filled them with cool water and rinsed her face. She saw her reflection in the mirror, and was not impressed. Her hair was wild, her eyes puffy from her earlier tears and lack of sleep. She stared into her reflected eyes, psyching herself up for the upcoming encounter. It was eerily similar to how she prepared for a particularly tough interrogation, a parallel that would probably bother her if she gave it any thought.

As she turned back to the room, she could see Castle settle on his back. She turned off the bathroom light, relying on the indirect light still spilling through the partially opened bedroom door. She went over and sat on the bed overlooking Castle. She repeated, "Rick, I need to talk to you."

Castle was propped up on some pillows, neither lying down nor sitting up. Alerted by the use of his first name, he raised an eyebrow. "What would you like to discuss, Kate?"

"You misunderstand me. Not discuss, but talk. Tell. I have things I think you need to know, about . . . how I feel . . . and stuff. Stuff that happened. Your declaration of a 'free fly zone' has inspired me, and I don't think I could become any more embarrassed tonight if I tried. So, assuming my courage doesn't totally desert me, this is probably the best opportunity I'll ever have . . . for _this_."

"Kate, you're actually alarming me. Don't you want to hear my side as well, about …_ this_? About how I feel . . . and stuff?"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, Please! Rick, I already know how you feel. I think the whole world knows how you feel."

"You do?"

"Castle, you're about as subtle as a supertanker explosion ..." For good measure she added, " … In the dark ..." And to make sure he got it, she smiled and said " … with fireworks … … on stage … … in front of a packed house … ... with full orchestra ... … totally nude …"

"OKAY! I got it! I'm lacking ninja stealth capabilities when it comes to my feelings for my partner and best friend!"

"So, I'm going to ask you to listen. Hard. I'm not nearly as talented as you are with words, especially when describing … my feelings … intangibles … the indescribable."

"Hard, huh?" The Castle smirk. "Okay, I'll be quiet. Tell me about . . ." he made a motion between the two of them " ... _this_."

At his mention of 'hard', Beckett looked behind her at his pajamas. The stain was gone. Matter of fact, so were his drawstrings. However, the bulge was still very evident. Her stomach coiled some more, warmth permeating her body and face. She turned back and asked him, "Castle, did you put your pajamas on backwards?"

He looked around, as if contemplating escape. A half smile escaped. "Maybe."

She ran her fingers through her hair. "God, Castle!" Beckett contemplated him through squinting eyes. She said slowly, "Castle, this is very important to me. What I want is your solemn word that you won't say a word the rest of the night. Not one syllable until breakfast and coffee arrive tomorrow. I'll even buy, but no talking! At all! Not a peep!"

He looked at her for a few seconds, than nodded.

She continued to stare at him. "All night. I mean it. This is going to be tough enough without your verbal detours and puns. No matter what happens, no matter what you hear, no talking! Swear?"

He looked very worried about her last statement, but still lifted his right hand and extended his pinkie. She chuckled. Sometimes, he was more of a teen aged girl than Alexis. Actually, the word 'sometimes' could be argued. She extended her pinkie, interlinking them and 'pinkie swearing'. She stood up and walked to the foot of the bed. She reached down, grabbed the bottom of his pajama legs in each hand, and as Castle gasped, with one mighty jerk pulled his pajama bottoms off.


	5. Sharing A Dream (2)

**A/N: Previous chapters fixed. Here we go ….**

_Disclaimer: The best of dreams, now rated 'M' _

She reached down, grabbed the bottom of his pajama legs in each hand, and as Castle gasped, with one mighty jerk pulled his pajama bottoms off, tossing them on the floor.

Beckett perused all of Castle from the foot of the bed, and thoroughly enjoyed the view. Castles calves and thighs were both well muscled, covered in a light down. At the apex of his thighs stood his arousal, which looked simply wonderful: large without being monstrous … very proportional ... just beautiful. Beckett felt herself catch her breath, her stimulation skyrocketing. Dragging her eyes from this inspiring sight, she noticed his tight fitting t-shirt stretched over his broad shoulders and chest. Castle was propped up on his elbows, his mouth slightly agape, his blue eyes wide and stunned.

She smiled and began walking up the side of the bed, dragging her fingernails up the inside of Castle's calf, then knee, then his thigh. "You want to know what _this_ is, Castle?" Her hand slid briefly over his balls before slowly traveling up the length of his shaft. "_This_ is me, helping out my partner." She softly stroked his attractive member slowly and gently, once, twice, and then a third time. She locked gazes with him. "Just like he helped me out." She stroked him a couple more times, maintaining the deliberate pace. His eyes widened with wonder, then darkened with lust. "_This_ is a singular opportunity, and I'm _so_ tired of wasting opportunities with you. With _us_."

She released his quivering erection and put her left knee on the bed to the right of his waist, then in one deft move swung her right knee over to his other side, straddling him. Her one hand hitched the back of her t-shirt hem up, while she gently grabbed him with the other. "Welcome to Beckett Airlines. _This_ is our own personal 'free fly zone'." Positioning him directly below her sopping core, she began to lower herself, asking "Shall we fly together, Mr Castle?"

She lowered herself gradually, reveling in every sensation as he filled her. Time stretched as she did, a long drawn out period of joining, of fusing their bodies together. She lingered there, his entire length in her, drinking in this perfect moment. "_This_ is about trust, Castle. Trusting each other. Trusting _us_". She trusted his discretion, and he needed to trust her … in many ways. So, she just needed to reassure him about her, because …

Holy God, he felt phenomenal in her. She bent forward, grabbing his hands in hers, interlocking their fingers. She then moved his hands to either side of his head, as she gradually lifted up and forwards from her knees until Castle was almost clear of her, then just as deliberately descended on him again. This wasn't passion and desire and hot love, filled with lust. This was need and intimacy and connection, filled with hope. She continued to gaze into his eyes as a tremendous warmth permeated her entire being, loosening her muscles, mending her heart, invading her soul.

She could never in her life remember feeling this way, this spectacular. "_This_ doesn't mean a thing, Castle." As his frown appeared, she murmured "but _this_ means everything to me." She continued to move, slowly, excruciatingly, wantonly. "_This_ never happened… and yet _this_ is a memory I will cherish forever." Another measured motion up and down, another burst of warmth throughout her body.

"_This_ is just a dream, Castle." She continued their languid undulation, each stroke its own eternity. How could she not have known he would be a perfect fit? Everything else they did together, every major interaction they'd ever experienced, reinforced their compatibility.

"_This_ is about gratitude. For last night. For being more than a partner. For a hundreds of laughs, and a thousand coffees, and a million smiles." Time had no meaning, could only be measured in their exquisite pace. "For you being you, and you waiting for me".

Her smile widened, and she laughed aloud. "_This_ is the first and only time I've ever experienced you totally silent. Although, _this_ probably isn't very practical in the precinct, or the squad car." Castle lifted an eyebrow and grinned. She laughed again, as she felt the warmth within her redouble.

She continued their leisurely pace, staring into her partners incredible blue eyes. It wasn't like he was lying there, inertly pinned under her. Every protracted descent of her hips was met with an equally measured thrust from Castle; every gradual withdrawal with a sinfully dirty hitch from his hips. He was hitting spots within her she'd had no idea were there. Every stroke of theirs was like operating a bellows, blowing the coals banked deep within her red-hot.

"_This_ is something I needed to do, Castle. You need to know this. Um. Sophia Turner said a thing … ". At his look, she shook her head. "I know! She was a traitor and a liar and a murderer. But I can't get it out of my head. Every time I look at you and try to imagine our future, I hear her voice. She said that she was sorry she'd every slept with you, because that sexual tension was all you two had together. After you two hooked up, you had nothing in common."

Castle sighed, a wounded look on his face. She shook her head. "But that's not the real problem. When we first met, that _would_ have been a problem. It would have been the same thing with me. I was scared of being a conquest, and soon becoming yesterday's news. Now, I'm even more afraid of the opposite. That you could be my … my one and done, and I could be yours, and I'll fuck us up somehow." Beckett was bathed in perspiration, this blazing heat emanating from their coupling spreading throughout her like a wildfire. It was the most pleasurable heat she'd ever experienced. She felt safe, cocooned in this hot paradise. There was no one else but them. She felt totally alive; she felt whole for the first time in forever.

She took a deep breath. "The real problem is me, Castle. Me and my fucking walls." Tears prickled the back of her eyes. "I'm seeing a psychiatrist, Castle. Trying to fix me. Trying to become whole. So there can be an _us_." One look at his face and she knew exactly what he was thinking. How he wanted to help her, be a part of her recovery. She shook her head. "Castle, I need to do this on my own. Make _myself_ whole. I cannot trade my walls for a crutch … " she continued to gaze into his expressive eyes, as they continued their languorous love making. " … even a ruggedly handsome crutch." God, it was getting hard to think, much less talk.

"_This_ is a promissory note, a glimpse into what _might_ be. What I _want_. But Castle, I'm so messed up. I so much want you, want us, want _this_, but I'm terrified of it too." The prickling behind her eyes grew into real tears, blurring her vision. "Terrified of screwing it up, of missing out on a future us 'cause the present me is so damaged." A tear escaped, hitting Castle in his ear. She was amazed that she could be crying while screwing her partner's brains out! When had she turned into such a wimp? Why had she lost all of her control, her hard outer shell? She guessed the answer was just beneath her, scorching her with love-filled blue eyes.

"_This_ is my long overdue confession." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "I … heard … you." At his confused look, she explained, "in the cemetery. After I took the bullet." His confused look dissolved into worry, then pain, then something worse than pain . . . anguish. Castle stopped moving altogether. Beckett released his hands and straightened up so she could cup his face, stroke his cheek. "It saved me, Castle. You saved me… again … with your words. I would not have pulled through that first day without them."

"Castle, I'm so sorry. When I saw you in the hospital, I was in so much pain, so confused. I couldn't deal with it yet. I just found my mentor had betrayed me, then sacrificed himself for me. Every lead I had in my mother's case was as dead as Lockwood in the morgue. I had Josh fussing over me constantly, and didn't have the strength yet to end it with him, even though I knew we were done." She started moving at her unhurried pace again, her hips on auto-pilot. "But the worst thing was that I had my partner, my best friend, almost take a bullet meant for me … _in front of his family_!"

"I realized that first week that I would not have survived your death. It would have broken me as bad or worse than my Mom. So, I ran away to Dad's cabin to see if I could get over you. Forget you entirely. Remove you from my life. It was the only way to protect you, protect your family from me."

Castle reached up and tenderly wiped the tears from her cheeks. She smiled ruefully. "Seventy-four days in the woods, with the crickets and the pain and the nightmares." Her entire body was inundated with heat. Oh God, this new more upright angle was spectacular. "Seventy-four days, and you were the first person I would miss every morning ... and you were my last thought at night." Castle's hands dropped down to her waist. The heat within her had flamed into an inferno, enveloping her entire being in a white-hot conflagration.

Breathing regularly was becoming an issue. Beckett shook her head. "So, since I couldn't get you out of my mind or my heart, I needed to make _(huh)_ myself better. Fix me so _(huh) _we could be to_(huh)_gether. I decided not to tell _(huh)_ you I'd heard you _(huh)_ until I was good _(huh)_ enough for you." Every down stroke was culminating in Beckett striking her sensitive nerve bundle on Castle, every upstroke of Castle's was hitting a spot within her that no man had hit before. Ever. Each stroke resulted in a new wave of heaven rippling through her, creating an involuntary puff of air to escape from her. It wasn't supposed to feel THIS good the first time, or anytime, was it? Spontaneous combustion was becoming a definite concern. She reached down and pulled her saturated t-shirt off over her head, shaking it from her hair, and tossed her hair behind her back. Beckett reached down and grabbed Castle's wrists, dragging his hands up to her breasts. Every touch of his enlivened her skin, thrilling her.

Beckett was amazed, as always, at Castle's patience. No man she'd ever known would have allowed this slow pace to continue, nor would they last this long. "Rick, _(huh) _I've been waiting until _(huh)_ I can say it back _(huh)_. I'm not there _(huh)_ yet, Castle but _(huh)_ I'm close." Castle chuckled, before Beckett realized the double entendre. He laughed! Here he was, barred from using words, and Castle was still making her feel better. Making her laugh at herself. She smiled. This man, fun-loving and immature, who not only loved her, but respected and liked the _real_ her with all her problems, _always_ seemed to say and do the right thing when it mattered. He made her so much a better person.

The sensations within her body were overwhelming, her body quaking. She imagined this is how it would feel near the top of a volcano; the heat, the power, the trembling earth. Was this what it was like to share your body with someone who was already in your heart and soul?

She closed her eyes, totally bombarded by sensations. "Oh, God, Castle!" Her orgasm started as a small super nova, from the spot deep within her that Castle was hitting with every stroke. As it rippled through her body, a second started from her clit. As that firestorm swept through her, another spot in her center, the one she and Castle had ignited in her dream earlier, now erupted spreading bliss, and then the first spot once more as Castle slammed it again. "Oh, Jesus . . . Don't stop Ri . . . Holy shi . . . Oh my God . . . That's ri . . . Ahhhh . . . Get o . . . Castle! … aaaaa … mmmm … Geeee … oooo … "

Words were no longer possible, coherence out of the question. She was lost in a sea of ecstasy. Forget atop the volcano, she was down in the caldera. Molten lava flowed to every nerve ending, hot magma filling her entirely. She'd never been vocal in bed, but she'd never had slow intercourse for an eternity. Nor had she ever had an orgasm that, instead of subsiding in seconds, continued to grow in intensity endlessly. And grow. And redouble. And grow some more. The ecstasy was unrelenting, a nonstop surge of primal joy, swelling perpetually.

One of Castle's hands dropped down to where they were joined, and he put his thumb _right there_. Beckett was beyond thought. She started to wonder if she'd actually survive this, not that she cared. As this new influx of sensations wound her even higher, she thought she heard a whispered, "I love you, Kate. I love you."

Did that come from her ears, or her memory? Her eyes snapped open, only to be confronted by Castle's devoted expression. Castle grasped her hips tightly, and drove into her strongly once, then again, slamming her newfound pleasure spot. He began to erupt while he obliterated that magic spot within her again. And again.

The volcano exploded.

**A/N II: Not my normal comfort zone. Reviews are greatly appreciated.**


	6. Chasing A Dream

**A/N: All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them. - **_**Walt Disney**_

_Disclaimer: ABC & Marlowe may own them, but my dreams are my own business _

Beckett's eyes blinked open. She found herself incapable of any movement, with the exception of her left index finger. She slowly realized her head was lying on the left side of Castle's chest, right over his heart. That explained the steady drumming she'd heard out of her right ear. Her right shoulder was on the bed tucked under Castle's armpit. Her right leg was stretched down the bed, while her left was sprawled across his waist. She was naked. She was soaking wet. She was probably giving off steam. She had never felt better in her life.

Her left arm was splayed across his torso, culminating in her hand over his right breast. Her left forefinger was slowly teasing Castle through his t-shirt. She watched her finger as it moved. It seemed to have a mind of its own, circling and stroking his nipple. It was obviously exciting him, based on the size and hardness of the protuberance from under the soft material. From her close angle of observation, it actually looked larger than her own nipple when excited, which hardly seemed fair. Her finger continued to move of its own volition.

That wasn't to say none of her other muscles were working. Every few seconds, a different group of muscles would twitch involuntarily, as if someone had arbitrarily applied some sort of electronic stimulation to them. Her right hand shook, lying next to Castle's left ear. Then her right thigh shimmied, then a foot, followed by her left buttocks. It was very peculiar. She wondered how she got into this bizarre situation.

A very Castle-esque theory formed in her mind. Perhaps, through a freaky weather amalgamation, a violent storm cloud had formed within her hotel room, and a bolt of lightning had struck her in the head. That would explain everything: her memory gap, her twitching muscles, her paralysis, the electric hum her entire body was experiencing, her euphoria. Or, she could admit to herself, that something even more fantastic had happened to her: Richard Castle.

Castle's left hand was lightly drawing circles on the small of her back, while his right hand was plucking her sweat soaked hair off of her cheek, one or two strands at a time. He was muttering under his breath as he tenderly moved the hairs behind her ear. "There's another one. C'mon, get over there. Okay, now this one. Time for you to move now." Maybe the lightning bolt had hit him, too. Maybe it had caused brain damage. She hoped it was only temporary.

She tried to assess her current state. Was she happy? Ah! So, that's what the word 'delirious' really meant! She'd had no idea. So, what other words can she use to describe her condition? Well, the word 'sated' came to mind. She'd always thought that had meant 'done with sex for the night', but now she had a totally different understanding of the word. A half smile formed on her face, again muscles working without being asked. More words cycled though her sluggish brain, words she'd never associated with herself: 'calm' and 'content' and 'complete'.

Under Castle's ministrations, she felt cherished, treasured. Those were words she hadn't used for over twelve years, and had never fully appreciated them until it was too late. She appreciated them now. A hum of pure joy escaped from her. So, where do you go from here, when 'here' is nirvana? This never-to-be-mentioned night was certainly going to be a tough act to follow.

These last few hours have been unreal! She felt so fortunate. Because of her ungodly hot wet dream and Castle's vivid imagination, she had lucked into the perfect encounter with her partner. Luck had never before been a particularly salient feature of her life or their relationship up to now. Maybe their luck was changing. She'd managed to tell him of her fears, explain her hopes, and ask for his patience. He now knew about Dr Burke, and hopefully understood how diligently she was working towards their common goal. Most importantly, he now knew about her memory of Montgomery's funeral. The guilt from that secret was no longer between them, weighing her down. Hopefully, he understood why she'd been incommunicado for the entire summer. Although he couldn't possibly be happy with her reasons, he couldn't help but be ecstatic about the result. Especially, if moments like this were to be the end product.

She now knew things she could only hope for earlier. She knew Sophia Turner was full of shit. If anything, the attraction and respect she had for her partner had increased exponentially. If there was the slightest chance to feel half this good again, she'd seize it in a heartbeat. Yet, when Monday rolled around, she was confident that they'd slip back into their well practiced routine at work. Banter, inappropriate innuendo, and building theory would be better, not worse, because of tonight.

She also knew that she _could_ be better, she could become whole again. Her walls were not a permanent character flaw. She and Castle had done more in the last few hours to remove them then months of therapy with Dr Burke. She wasn't there yet, she knew she was still screwed up. However, instead of the curse of Sisyphus, who constantly rolled the boulder uphill only to watch it roll back down again, she had an optimism that had been totally lacking earlier. The oppressive feeling of no progress and futility had given way to positive advances and imminent success. It was exhilarating.

Lastly, she was thankful that she could do _something_ for Rick. She could feel his breathing regulate, his murmuring becoming more sporadic, as he began drifting off to sleep. The dear, dear man had contented himself to wait for her, with very little overt encouragement. She'd been so worried that the smiles and little touches between them would be insufficient as the weeks turned into months. Showing him what he was waiting for, what could be in their future, might ultimately be the greatest development of tonight's adventures. She no longer had to rely on the memories of a stolen, undercover kiss in a dark alley.

But what a kiss! She still got excited thinking about it. It was almost the polar opposite of tonight's love making; unbelievably stormy, passionate, and far too quick. It was that kiss that triggered the beginning of the end for Josh, and made her realize that her denial of her feelings for Castle was ultimately doomed to failure. It was too bad they didn't try that again tonight.

Holy shit! She was so stupid! She practically shouted "WAIT", jerking Castle alert. She surged up on her elbows so she was just above him. Their eyes locked, Castle returned her gaze looking puzzled. She looked at his mouth, and back to his eyes. "Thank you Castle. For everything. Tonight. This morning. It means more to me than you could possibly know." Her eyes slid back to his mouth as he smiled. She licked her lips. Her left hand, now on his shoulder, patted him to punctuate her words. "Best. Partner. Ever."

Her mouth descended bit by bit onto his, creating a perfect seal. His lips were soft, warm, inviting. Her tongue swiped along his lower lip, and was granted instant access to his mouth. She began to explore his mouth deeply as she poured all of her hopes and passion into this kiss. His hands came up and ran through her hair, his tongue exploring her mouth just as wantonly. Her right hand ran through his damp hair behind his ear, her left stroked his cheek. He wrapped her hair in his hands and lifted it off her back, allowing the cool air access to her neck. She went from overheated to goose bumps in seconds. Her breasts firmed, her nipples hardened.

She deepened the kiss. Dear God, he was a fabulous kisser. Their tongues danced without fighting for dominance. His hands never stopped moving; now he had one on her neck while the other splayed on her back, pulling her closer. The now familiar coiling of lust within her was becoming incredibly intense unbelievably fast. She tried to convey all her feelings for this man, this huge torrent of gratitude and friendship and love and desire, into this single action. The kiss, impossibly, deepened more. Her vision was blurring around the edges. She had no air. She'd investigated victims of asphyxia that got more oxygen than she was getting. Castle seemed unaffected; the bastard must be breathing through his ears.

Then, both she and Castle moaned at exactly the same time, deep and wicked. Oh, God! Was that an orgasm? You can't have an orgasm from a kiss, can you? Based on the clenching from her core, and the moisture running down her thigh, she'd just had an orgasm! Castle made her come with a kiss and a moan! Talk about super powers! That's absolutely ludicrous! She did not want to break this breathtaking kiss, but passing out was not an option either. Just as she was placing her palm to push off, Castle backed off and they separated. Castle was reading her mind again.

She was panting like she'd just run a marathon. She stared into his eyes, those fantastic baby blues. His expression practically screamed his love and devotion. By the smile that lit his face like the sun, she was confident that her expression, for once, mirrored his. She could feel her smile explode across her face.

Once her breathing had calmed down, exhaustion began to overwhelm her. She noticed the pre-dawn light filtering through the room. Wow! Had they been screwing all night? She looked at Castle from beneath her long lashes, the smile still plastered across her face. "Remember, Castle, this has just been a dream" she murmured . Beckett yawned, fatigue dragging her down to his shoulder. Castle reached down and pulled the sheet up to her chin, covering them both. He wrapped his arms around her as she cuddled next to him.

"Just a dream, Castle" she repeated, as sleep reached up to grab her. "You're dreaming my dream."

**Finis: Hope you liked it**


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